Five People John and Rodney Really Are Fooling
by miasnape
Summary: Five people John and Rodney really are fooling simple as that. Companion piece to xsleeptodream's 'Five People John and Rodney Think They're Fooling'. 4x500 word vignettes and 1x100 word drabble. Slash: McKaySheppard


Author: miasnape

Title: Five People John and Rodney Really Are Fooling

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: None (unless you need to be warned that I use British spellings)

Pairings: McKay/Sheppard

Summary: The title says it all. Four 500 word vignettes and one 100 word drabble.

A/N: Comment fic for x-sleeptodream's fic 'Five People John and Rodney Think They're Fooling'. Because, as I mentioned in my first comment to x-sleeptodream, I am weak and cannot say no to a challenge. Unbeta-ed.

**Five People John and Rodney Really Are Fooling**

i. Elizabeth

"No, no, no, no, Colonel, you're wrong. You're just so very, very wrong, as usual."

Rodney's slouched back in his chair and, however passionate his diatribe sounds, Elizabeth can tell he's not being all that serious because his hands are waving slowly and his mouth is quirked a certain way.

"Rodney," she says, almost a warning.

He looks up at her as if surprised she's still there in the meeting she called. Then he looks back and points at John. "Wrong."

John looks back at Rodney, eyes wide and pretend-innocent, and shrugs loosely. Elizabeth almost sighs and tries to hold back her urge to strangle them both as Rodney suddenly sits up and his hands start moving sharply. John smirks and slides further down into his seat.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rodney demands.

"Rodney," she says again, and this time it is a warning, and Rodney cuts himself off with a scowl. She turns to John. "And you, stop provoking him."

John looks at Rodney and smiles in a way she doesn't see very often; genuine and soft with a mischievous twinkle. "But it's fun. He gets all riled up and passionate."

He flicks a look at Rodney that she can't quite decipher from this angle. Rodney pauses completely, staring back, and a red flush runs up his face from under his collar.

Elizabeth smothers an affectionate smile. The friendship between John and Rodney is the only thing she knows that can make her head scientist casually embarrassed, as if he was constantly surprised by how much John enjoyed his company.

"Now can we move on with the actual topic we were supposed to be discussing?" she asks, expecting another ten minutes of bantering before they do. But Rodney's suddenly all business, shoving his chair closer to the table and moving his laptop closer.

"Yes, yes, let's get this over with."

"What, do you have something important to do after?" John asks, an eyebrow climbing closer to his hair, and Rodney scowls at him.

"Something annoying, maybe."

John shrugs again, and if he slides further down in his chair Elizabeth's sure that he's going to fall off. "Doing annoying things can be a lot of fun, Rodney. You just have to... approach it in the right way." He taps his fingers nonchalantly on the table. "Feel it out, as it were."

Rodney's eyes narrow and John's smirk widens.

This time Elizabeth can't stop herself from rolling her eyes. They're up to something again. She doesn't know what, but they're up to something.

When they've finally finished the meeting and Rodney and John are leaving, heads bent close together, whispering furiously, Elizabeth sees a dusty bootprint on Rodney's leg and makes a mental note to tell John that kicking Rodney under the table is only going to make him frustrated. Although, considering John's smile when Rodney shoves his shoulder, maybe that's what he's after. She shakes her head as they walk away. She's never understood their friendship. They're such... boys.

ii. Carson

"How much damage did it do? Does he still have his arm hair? Does he still have his arm? Oh my god, you're going to have to amputate, aren't you?"

"My arm is fine. It's barely a burn - barely even a singe. Some of Carson's voodoo cream for a few days and it'll be back to normal. Right, Doc?"

The Colonel's giving him a pointed look that he really doesn't need, because what John said is true - the device that overheated didn't do any real harm - and he already knows that Rodney needs to be calmed down. And that voodoo comment wasn't called for, so he might possibly jerk the Colonel's arm a bit when he moves it closer to apply the ointment.

"Hey!" Rodney and John say at the same time, in the same grievously injured tone. Carson rolls his eyes. They spend far too much time together.

"Rodney, the Colonel will be just fine. If he doesn't get on the last nerve I have left after dealing with you, that is," he adds with a meaningful tug on John's elbow.

"You see? So relax, would you?" Then he turns and pouts at Carson. "Hey, that stuff's really cold, you know. You could warn a guy."

"I told you he's a sadist, didn't I?" Rodney says smugly, with a hint of something concealed under it that Carson can't quite decipher.

John can, though. "Hey," he says. "It wasn't your fault. It was an accident; nothing even happened. You got it turned off in time."

Rodney huffs, but Carson's known him long enough to know that he's mostly appeased. Then Rodney's brow furrows. "You still have full motor-control with that hand, don't you?" he asks, voice arch and, Carson thinks, a tad too flustered. "Because you said you'd help me with that project tonight, you know, that one you need both hands for."

Carson looks at John sternly. "That might not be a serious injury, lad, but you shouldn't be doing anything strenuous with your arm for the next day or so. What kind of project is this?"

Rodney starts to stutter, but John smirks. "Just something to do with the jumpers. We can dial it down though, right, Rodney?"

Rodney sags a bit, looking disappointed. "I suppose so."

Then his eyes go to the burn on John's arm. His expression gets pinched. Carson sighs, then against his better judgement he says, "If it's the jumpers, then maybe you don't need both your hands. The gene does a lot of the work there."

Carson's not sure what's going through John's mind, but it'll only end in trouble if his expression is anything to go by.

"You see, Rodney. We can do stuff that doesn't need hands. There's that thing you're really interested in that doesn't need hands."

Rodney's face lights up. "You're absolutely right, Colonel. Thanks, Carson."

Carson has the feeling that he should be glad that he doesn't have a clue what he's being thanked for.

iii. Miko

When Miko comes into the lab late at night to get the coffee mug she left there earlier in the day, she expects to see her boss there. She even expects to see Doctor McKay sitting upright on a stool in front of a laptop. She doesn't, however, expect to see the laptop's screensaver running, or Doctor McKay's eyes closed, or to hear small snores coming from that direction.

The man works too hard, and Miko does not know how to make him get more rest, or even if it is her place to do so - he may be a friend to her, but he is also her boss, and it is not for her to question him over his judgement in caring for himself however much she does so privately to Radek (who has no such hesitations when it comes to saying things that will surely annoy Doctor McKay, but no more luck when it comes to getting him to cooperate).

The noise of the doors opening behind her pulls her away from contemplating how to get her boss to sleep in his bed instead of at his desk, and when she turns she sees Colonel Sheppard looking at Doctor McKay in the same fond and exasperated way that she's sure she just was.

"I am not sure whether to wake him up or not," she confessed, ducking her head in embarrassment. "With his sore back he cannot be comfortable, but if I wake him..."

Colonel Sheppard nodded and moved closer to the sleeping man. "I know, he'll just go right back to work instead of going to bed."

He stopped at Doctor McKay's side and looked at her steadily. "You can get on with whatever you were doing, Miko. I'll take care of hi- this."

Miko nods and moves further into the lab to her workspace to get her mug. She knows the Colonel will take care of it, because he has done it many times before, and he seems to be the only one who can. She can only assume that it is because he is Doctor McKay's best friend and equal in station - able to argue with him point for point and physically move him away at the same time without worrying about the kind of repercussions that other people would be subject to.

When she looks up from her desk, the Colonel is gently manoeuvring Doctor McKay around the lab, and they're arguing quietly. She suspects the only reason that Doctor McKay is being quiet is that, despite being on his feet with his eyes open, he still seems more than half asleep. The Colonel is steering him with both hands, opening the door with his mind, and softly debating whatever Doctor McKay is saying, all at the same time, a feat that Miko still finds impressive.

Miko is glad that Doctor McKay has a friend who is able to take care of him in that way, even if it cannot be her.

iv. Hermiod

Despite having worked directly with humans for quite some time now, Hermiod has difficulty understanding what their motivations for certain behaviours are. Novak mentioned that he shouldn't take the people onboard the Daedalus or at SGC or on the Atlantis base as a control for normal, because not a single one of them was. Then Colonel Caldwell's second in command had walked by and said hello to her, and she had hiccupped, turned red, hiccupped again, and then excused herself, and he thought maybe he could see her point.

Many of his species had put forward theories that it was the differences between the two separate genders that made interaction more complicated, but as far as Hermiod had observed, communications between people of the same sex were just as complex.

Take Lieutenant-Colonel John Sheppard and Doctor Rodney McKay as an example. Hermiod only argued with those with whom he had some issue, but it seemed to be the basic method of interaction between those two. When he saw them aboard the ship, they fought each other and talked over one another and used sarcasm at many opportunities and traded insults. However, when anyone else argued with Sheppard, McKay was fighting back with him. When, as often happened, other people insulted McKay, Sheppard let loose a volley of invective (and once a punch) that had the instigator fleeing from his vicinity as soon as possible.

And then there were moments where they would stand quietly side-by-side and look out the window into space, their shoulders barely touching. They would sit together in a corner of the mess hall and steal food off each other's plates, complain about it to each other, and then watch it happen again without trying to prevent it. Sheppard would fight for a cup of what the crew called 'the good coffee', and then set it down beside McKay without a word while he was still absorbed in whatever maintenance or research he was carrying out.

When Hermiod asked McKay about his relationship with Sheppard, he hadn't received much of a coherent response, however lengthy it had been. As far as he could decipher it, McKay viewed Sheppard as his best friend and vice versa, and as such McKay was allowed to take care of Sheppard and the reverse was true as well - not that McKay really cared about Sheppard in _that way_ (some fashion that Hermiod wasn't entirely clear about) but in a friendly way - an entirely normal friendly way, by the way, which meant he spent more time with Sheppard. And that had nothing to do with Sheppard being a "Kirk" (Hermiod had heard that reference before from some crew members, but wasn't entirely sure how it applied in this instance) or with Sheppard's "stupid and not at all attractive hair." McKay had then mumbled something about platonic love and ran off.

It didn't help him understand human behavioural motivations, though, and now he wasn't entirely sure he cared enough to try anymore.

v. Caldwell

Steven Caldwell had long ago learned that the best way to deal with anything that didn't actively affect the well-being or security of his people or their mission was to ignore it. Completely. Plausible deniability. Sorry, sir, I don't know what you're talking about.

Bad commanders lost good men by picking at little details and, as far as he could, Steven tried to be a good commander. Whether it was of the Daedalus or the Atlantis base didn't matter.

John Sheppard and Rodney McKay? They're good friends; team-mates. Anything more? Sorry, sir, I don't know what you're talking about. Really.

END


End file.
